Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Dear Continental Airlines....

I just sent this exact same letter off to Continental Airline customer relations. I anticipate an interesting response if any......

...."I just returned to Washington D.C. after over a week of vacation in my home state of Arizona. Now I realize most letters your airlines probably receives tend to have negative undertones to them, but not this one.

I flew out of DCA on christmas day as I could not afford to spend the extra $150-$200 to fly out on christmas eve like a normal heathen/non-practicing jew whom nonetheless has already celebrated christmas day with a plastic tree which adorns a star-of-david on its crown made of Popsicle sticks and glitter from circa 1991.

At the airport you overbooked the flight by a few people which I realize is standard procedure on busy travel days. Now I was scheduled to get on a connecting flight in Houston around 7pm after a 3 hour layover there before finally leaving for Phoenix. I simply explained this situation to the gate agent and told him that as long I could make this connecting flight, that I would be happy to be bumped.

Now my ulterior motive was to be able to sit in the airport bar in D.C. and watch my Phoenix Suns play 47 minutes and 56 seconds of winning basketball against the San Antonio Spurs. Luckily, I was able to do so as your very kind gate agent got me on a flight around leaving 5pm instead 3pm. The best part is that I was still able to make my connecting flight in Houston and didn't even have to spend more time in that lovely airport while still getting my mandatory $200 flight voucher.

So I got into Arizona the same time as I had originally planned, walked with a $200 voucher and grab a beer while watching the purple gang from phoenix give a game away to Roger Mason.

The story does not end here however.....

On my return flight scheduled to leave from Sky Harbor at 6am (which I barely made after waiting at the security check behind roughly 150 pre-pubescent members of a high school marching band which participated in the fiesta bowl parade) I was asked this time by your gate agent if I would give up my seat to Cleveland. I said this would be fine as long as I was able to make it to D.C. some time that night.

Again, your gate agent was incredibly accommodating and was very appreciative of me willing to give up my seat. He was able to get me to D.C. after a 5 hour layover in Newark. Now while one of my few goals in life is to spend as little time as humanly possible inside the state boundaries of New Jersey, I reluctantly accepted.

This time however I was offered $300 as well as a first class seat from Jersey into DCA. I took advantage of this brief first class opportunity by drinking 3/4 of a free heineken and proceeding to pass out from exhaustion.

So in closing, I would like to thank you for the $500 worth of vouchers, getting me to my destinations safely, and especially your surprisingly kind gate agents.

I'm not sure what kind of drugs you give them that allow them to tolerate and even smile condescendingly while middle aged "Yentas" curse at them....but I would like to be offered some of those as well the next time I am bumped from a flight."


Klime Clothing Co said...

Sometimes life can be super sweet in the most unlikely of places, eh!

Chilly Breeze said...

Sounds like your next climbing trip flight is paid for. Way to go!

Tim said...

If I can find a train up to their hub in Newark, apparently I can do Cancun, the Bahamas, British Columbia, Panama....and almost a round trip to Europe if I book far enough in advance.

The climber in me thinks Bishop might be nice to fall off highballs when D.C. is in a miserable humid summer.

Mr. J said...

Isn't Bishop a miserable desert in the summer? You're a lucky bastard. I hate airlines.